Spent some time today reading through the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISST-D) Treatment Guidelines for Adults. My 'take-away' was that I seem to be moving towards Phase-2 of Treatment. Which is about "Confronting, Working Through, and Integrating Traumatic Memories" (p 142). Maybe if I knew more, I'd know to be worried. But actually I have a sort of a sense of being on safari when I think of going-in to the jungle of dendrites, axonal fibers, and synaptic connections* in search of this mystic place which is my childhood. Those clinical neurological terms are holding the memory fragments of images, threats, and body feelings which I will be assembling into damned up emotions so as to release them, which may turn out to be disturbing. But I have a determination to reach back in time to help my little terrified self by allowing me to tell what I have held onto for so long and I have my wife and step-daughter as my support and motivation to 'just keep swimming'.** It's the girls' night out, so I'm making pasta & chicken w/ Sun-Dried Tomato Alfredo sauce (from a jar) for dinner. ***
* The "Dr.J" part of me gravitates towards the science.
** The "Zen" part of me loves to speak of optimism and hope.
*** The part of me named "Montreal" is creative and loves to cook.
(there are some other parts who may introduce themselves later on)
I have a pretty good "team" if I do say so, myself.