Monday, July 16, 2012

Techno Dancing with My Brains & DID Instruments

More strategic stuff in therapy today. I took the Dissociative Experiences Scale DES-II, what a sucky measurement instrument! It seemed like I had execeptions-to-the-rule for every ambiguous frustrating question. No wonder this diagnosis is mocked by so many. 

Starting late last week, I have been intrigued by the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, I am intrigued by his discussion of the 3 kinds of Brains we all have. Last week in therapy I clarified more of the map of my parts and their roles & themes. My therapist wisely noted my parts seemed to be aligned w/ either the left or right brain hemispheres. But I am taking that a step further and pondering which parts/levels of my brain my parts are associated w/ the "Thinking", "Limbic-FEELING", and "Autonomic-Reptillian-FREEZE-Response" brains. I believe that my experiences of abuse were improperly sensated, emoted, and left w/out much for the frontal cortex to derive meaning and direction from.  So I now believe that in order to make progress I will need to return to the FEELINGS of my parts and the FREEZE (helplessness).

Over this past weekend, on Netflix I discovered a video of a Deadmau-5 concert. I Love Techno Music .. its like an ADHD kid's dream w/ the music & light show.  And Yes - even though I am closer to 50 than 40, I still hopped & danced in our living room since my wife was at work and my stepdaughter was at her biological dad's house. That's a kinda cool thing about DD-NOS/DID, you still get to have "kid-fun".

Saturday I swam w/out counting laps. How awesome to be buoyant and moving but w/out having to meet any expectation of numbers. It was what I call a good "Right Brain" swim. After a short break I did 1-lap sprints, but again I wasn't watching my times .. I was just enjoying being alive in my body, in the water. 

Tomorrow I will do an internet search for other measures for Dissociative Sx and Complex PTSD.

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